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Wizard Cloak

from The Millipede by The Millipede

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lyrics

Spelltron the lawful neutral elven wizard is exploring dark and evil ancient catacombs.
Spot check roll one D20, got a 6, you fail, a poison trap explodes, you roll your saving throw.
You get a 12, you need 14, but with your modifier it's 15, no damage, that was close.
Random encounter, roll a 9 and then a 7 so I check the module, you disturbed a troll.

You both roll initiative.
You get a 4, he gets a 6.
With casting time, you still go first, you cast a magic missile.
Calculate the to hit armor class.
It's 8, you roll a 20 sided die,
A 6, but when we factor in your bonuses for
Race and class you get plus 3, now hit, now calculate the damage
Trolls this level have one hit dice, you hit it for 8 so it died.

WIZARD:
Oh, wizard cloak,
Found you in a chest of silver and enchanted oak.
Oh, wizard cloak, teleport me to the astral plane, assist in casting spells most arcane
Till the beast is slain, and now songs will be sung, and tales will be told of my glorious victory over this villainous troll.
TROLL: Oh, I'm a troll
Making friends with Ettercaps, Grey Oozes, and Umber Hulk.
In my dungeon home, there's no acid or fire here to cause me pain. Hey, and I don't claim to be perfect, but there's nothing I would change.

TROLL: I am just a simple troll.
WIZARD: I am a wizard searching for lost dwarven gold.
TROLL: I'm on my midnight stroll.

WIZARD: I am neither young nor old.
TROLL: I'm middle aged but keeping fit.
WIZARD: My body could use work so I am told.

WIZARD: I hear the shamblings of some evil creature on patrol.
TROLL: I see an odd advancing bluish glow.

WIZARD: The thing growls suddenly.
TROLL: I did not expect company, I raise my hand to give him a hello.

WIZARD: Just before its talons reach my neck.
TROLL: A stranger's just a friend I have not met.
WIZARD: Let loose my arcane energy and cast a magic missile.
TROLL: Oh shit, a magic missile!

WIZARD: Just one hit is all it takes to kill.
I am amazed with my own skill.
I'll leave the stinking corpse here rotting to display my power as a warning to the other evil slimy ugly creatures who infest these ancient halls, I'll hunt them down and kill them all.

TROLL: Why'd he kill me?
Oh, my family.
I will miss my wife and children very much.
I shed a single tear as I die.

credits

from The Millipede, released October 12, 2012

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The Millipede Austin, Texas

The Millipede:
Frank Humungus: Vocals
Jack Burden: Guitar/Vocals
Ethan Morris: Drums
Chris Taylor: Bass
Stephanie Smuts: Vocals

Austin's first, best and only SuperRadAwesome Core band! Decimating the world's beer supply and replacing it with musical tales of epic nerdery since 2009! ... more

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